Jamie the rockstar
by keri andru
Summary: Megas XLR fic, Jamie-centered and kinda silly


Disclaimer: do I have to say it again? Okay, I don't own Megas XLR or any of the characters. I don't own The Distillers or any other mentioned celebrities either. Are you happy now?

NOTE: okay, so maybe I'm a LITTLE too obsessed with Jamie, but come on, that boy is just too cute!

Jamie's POV

Whoa, I just LOVE being a rockstar. Fame, money and most importantly the endless number of hot punk rock chicks that would do anything to hook up with me. Nice!

Right now I'm watching the band that's opening for me, The Distillers. Funny, they used to be like my favourite band ever and now THEY are MY support band. Plus I sleep with their lead singer (AN: sorry Brody!), but I guess you already figured that out. As they finish their last song I get ready to go on stage. The rest of my band, including my best friend Coop who plays the drums, is already there. But I, being the big icon I am, I need a special entrée. The lights are switched off and the fans start screaming. I grab my guitar and walk right to the middle of the stage. As the lights come back on and I greet the audience, the first girls faint and some thongs are thrown on stage. Yeah, that's how I like it! And so the concert starts.

Anyway, you guys might wonder why we're not kicking some alien ass right now. Let me explain. We already defeated the Glorft for good and since then everyone's too scared to attack us. We now only use Megas as our tour bus. It's fun. I like this kind of lifestyle much better and so does Coop. And what about Kiva? She can't complain either. She's our manager. No wait, manager's too good for her, she's a…um…a roadie. Yeah.

The show goes great so far. It's not like I have to TRY extra hard to ROCK extra hard. I always knew I was talented but I had no idea I was THIS good. Actually, I had, but I'm supposed to act modest. Anyway, I think I'll just lip sync next time so I'll have more time to check out all these hot riot grrrls. Speaking of them, I already see like ten topless chicks. Nice! Good thing I have this guitar to cover myself up. Heehee…

After the show's over I head backstage. I pour myself a glass of Jack Daniels and sit on a sofa. I'm immediately surrounded by groupies. They're all exactly my types: really pretty, heavily tattooed and very very willing. They start kissing me, or each other, and I feel like I'm in heaven.

Suddenly someone slaps my pretty face.

"Jamie! Wake up man!" I recognize Coop's voice

What? Oh fuck, don't tell me it was just a dream! I slowly open my eyes and I'm even more confused.

"Where am I?" I ask. I know I sound like a total idiot, but I feel seriously lost right now. Like why exactly am I sitting in this dentists-like chair?

"Um, the piercing studio." Yeah, that would explain many things, like for example the presence of some tattooed and pierced guy with a mohawk and why he's wearing latex gloves.

"You decided to get something done but you passed out when you saw the needle." added Coop

"Oh." Am I really such a loser?

At least Kiva's not here. That bitch would laugh at me for months. Oh wait. I hear stifled laughter and I lift my head to look around. Of course she's here. Stupid roadie.

The piercer guy gives me a questioning look.

"So are you ready to do this now, mate?" he asks, holding up a needle. As soon as I see it I scream on top of my lungs, jump off the chair and run away from this crazy place.

As I wait outside I see Coop giving the piercer an apologetic look. When my two friends get out of the studio, Kiva bursts into another fit of laughter. If looks could kill she would be dead by now.

"Man, what was I thinking?" I ask Coop.

"I dunno. You dragged us here after you said something about chicks digging guys with piercings."

"A little piece of metal would totally make a difference" commented Kiva sarcastically

"Shut up." Man, I sometimes really hate this girl…

xxx the same day, couple of hours later xxx

Seriously, how could I even THINK about doing something like that to my perfect little nose! I mean, it's not like my looks can get any better :)

Hey, I'm bored. Coop and Kiva are watching some stupid MTV show. Diary of…Tommy Lee? What the hell, isn't he like, dead? No wait, the Nirvana guy is dead. What? They're the same! Tommy Lee, Tommy Lee…it's that the guy who dated Pamela Anderson, right? Yeah, that's him. THAT's him? No fair! What does this loser have that I don't?

Oh right.

I go to the bathroom to look in a mirror. The side of my nose is still marked from my visit to the studio. It doesn't seem like SUCH a bad idea right now. I spot a safety pin on the counter and that does it. I lift the pin, open it and carefully touch the tip. Whoa, it's kinda sharp! But I'm no pussy, right? I can do it. I bring the pin closer to my pretty nose and take a deep breath. Here we go.

OMFG that hurts like a motherfucker!

I look in the mirror again and I see the pin on both sides of the flesh of my nostril. It's through! Nice! Only if I didn't feel so dizzy..

Oh wait, is that…blood? I think I'm gonna pass out…

xxx

Man, I just LOVE being Pammy Anderson's husband…

THE END

NOTE: So was it as retarded as I thought it was or worse? Review or die :) !


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